The government's D.N.A./disease altering experimental facility on Plum Island,New York, had a breakout a few nights ago.  An unknown specie of animal jarred loose their cage and with great speed eluded the guards and reached the high tide off of the beach.  Witnesses have described the dead creature, which has been dubbed the "Montauk Monster", as being the size of a small mountain lion, or cougar and that it looked as though its massive fangs belonged to some kind of warthog.  The escapee's corpse was waterlogged and boated, but seemed to have been extremely strong; the muscle structure was apparently very evident up close.  Perhaps a genetic Smilodon a.k.a. saber-toothed tiger has been resurrected by the scientists and been experimented upon.  No casualties have as of yet been admitted to on the Plum Island facility, or the town of Montauk.  Long Island residents should be aware that the other escapee is still at large and should be considered highly dangerous.

 


Comments

Earl link
08/01/2008 21:24

I betcha it's one of Dick Cheneys Demon Hell Beasts.

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Chuck link
08/01/2008 22:04

That Montauk Monster reminds me alot of what I found in the Booger Woods behind my trailer. I hit it over the head with my shovel. Turns out it was my sleepwalking mother inlaw.
Well...we have a saying down here, If you kill it and can't grill it then you gotta bury it. We told my wife that her mother must have wandered off and some wolves got her.

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General Jack N Off link
08/03/2008 07:59

We here at The Plum Island Research Lab adhere to rigorous standards of safety and security. The safety of the American people is our top priority. Our many years of research have saved mankind in ways that I am not at liberty to reveal at this time.
It has come to our attention that the media has reported the "Montauk Monster" may have escaped from our research labs.
I can assure you that all of our Demon Hell Beasts are all accounted for. As a precaution we contacted Vice President Dick Cheneys office about the possibility that one of his Demons may have gotten loose. We were informed that due to National Security Dick Cheney will not answer any questions about owning any Demon Hell Beasts.
We at Plum Island want to assure the American people that they would be the first to know if any creatures are spilling out of a wormhole from another dimension. We have alerted BlackWater Inc. that their services may be needed to lockdown all of Long Island if needed. Please stay calm during this stressfull situation. BlackWater mercenaries have been known to have ichy trigger fingers, so please do as they say and don't make any sudden moves. Your Constitutional rights during lockdown will be "temporarily" frozen as to assist BlackWater in weeding out the Unholy Creatures from the general public.
Have a good day.

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V.P.
08/03/2008 20:07

Vice President Cheney declines comment.

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Havoc
08/03/2008 20:09

What is the government doing out at Plum Island?

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Logan
08/03/2008 20:10

I don't no, but the military will shoot u if u land on the island!

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Bob link
08/04/2008 19:37

It's from Canada!!

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The Scottsman link
08/08/2008 19:35

You call that a beast? I was wrestling wolfs bigger then that when you were suckling on your mommys teat.

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Marcula
08/09/2008 21:55

Mr Scottsman you have made an error in the use of the word "wolfs". The proper word is "wolves". It is plural for more than one wolf. You should also use the word "than" in place of "then".
How you got "teat" right boggles the mind.

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The Scottsman link
08/10/2008 17:52

Ooooowwwwww!! You hurt me feelings, you Pansy knob sucker!!

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Har
08/12/2008 18:04

Got to be those flapping garbage-can-lid-head, beady eyed Canadians. Leave it to them to create a "Montauk Monster" and put the blame on good Americans!

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JiGGer G. link
08/12/2008 21:19

Hey Marcula, U can't win this one. Scotty will fuck you up. Go collect some rent bitch!

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Matt
08/21/2008 20:04

Dude it was a raccoon

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