"In rode the Lord of the Nazgul.  A great black shape against the fires beyond he loomed up, grown to a vast menace of despair.  In rode the Lord of the Nazgul, under the archway that no enemy ever yet had passed, and all fled before his face. 

All save one.  There waiting, silent and still in the space before the Gate, sat Gandalf upon Shadowfax:  Shadowfax who alone among the free horses of the earth endured the terror, unmoving, steadfast as a graven image in Rath Dinen.

'You cannot enter here,' said Gandalf, and the huge shadow halted.  'Go back to the abyss prepared for you!  Go back!  Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master.  Go!'

The Black Rider flung back his hood, and behold! he had a kingly crown; and yet upon no head visible was it set. The red fires shone between it and the mantled shoulders vast and dark. From a mouth unseen there came a deadly laughter.

‘Old fool!’ he said. ‘Old Fool! This is my hour. Do you not know death when you see it? Die now and curse in vain!’ And with that he lifted high his sword and flames ran down the blade.

Gandalf did not move. And in that very moment, away behind the same courtyard of the City, a cock crowed. Shrill and clear he crowed, reckoning nothing of wizardry or war, welcoming only the morning that in the sky far above the shadows of death was coming with the dawn.

And as if in answer there came from far away another note. Horns, horns, horns. In dark Mindolluin's sides they dimly echoed. Great horns of the North wildly blowing. Rohan had come at last."

This excerpt is taken from J.R.R. Tolkien's The Return of the King, and is one of my favorite parts of the books, which the movie did not do justice to.  I mean why change that?  Maybe director Peter Jackson just wanted the books to live on as being far superior to the movies - a true Tolkien fan would appreciate that!

I have always walked outside the lines, the boundaries, as if my out-of-the-conventional-box thought process influences the way I walk, like a metaphor.  I feel my humanity, I feel I am a apart of the group, and I enjoy being one with my fellow inhabitants of this earth. 

But I also feel I am an individual, and in striving to be/do the best that I can do, spiritually and physically, I am apart.  We all should be searching as the Buddha taught us to seek our own path toward betterment, growth and, ultimately, enlightenment.  I too often fail to see this around me and it frustrates the hell out of me.  Where are my brothers and sisters?

This may be why that I have never got on with authority, from my parents on up to my friends, mentors and teachers, and even those that have helped me learn, grow and be.  I revere my family, friends and teachers, without whom I would not be here today.  I love them. 

Still, at the slightest imposition on my will the spirit within me lights on high, like bug-spray on a campfire.  I try to change, sometimes succeeding, but too often authority appears meaningless and restrictive, demeaning and demoniac. 

So, with my bleeding heart I do fight with every fiber of my being for all that I believe in.  Unfortunately, I often step on the opinions of those around me, but the majority of the time this is not on purpose.  My mind is not closed, but stubborn, and there are times where a valued perspective may feel imposing or wrong to me, and I invoke the rage I set loose upon authority.  To my loved ones, who I am sure have been stricken by my words, please realize that I was more often unaware of my hurtful actions; I was blinded by the same drive that makes me a fan of more that goes on in this world than I could ever wrap my head around.

I want to spend eternity increasing my mind, body and soul of such, and I cannot.  I am a frustrated man.  I am truly sorry for when I have been myself, Rob, an ass, and all of the other innumerable things that I have been or at least thought to call myself.

R.J.H.  10/23/09